PTQs and grinding

So, the last few months have been interesting for me. I think my magic playing days so far have been divided into a few distinct phases:
Kitchen Table - the first phase for almost everyone, a really fun stretch of months learning the game and decks, making tribal decks, casting big expensive sorceries, lots of multiplayer. Good times.
FNM - the transition to playing 'competively' - net-decking, learning to play tighter, working my way up from 'noob' to 'respectable local player' - the first victory over the top local player who you've never beaten before, etc.
Unexpected Success - qualifying for nationals in my first attempt, going to nationals (and scrubbing out), top 8ing States - a strange period for me, looking back on it. I wanted to succeed, obviously, but didn't really expect to. My most successful stretch of Magic playing to date.
Grinding (current phase) - I think I really got the taste for the grind in Columbus - driving 5 hours to a tournament by myself, figuring out a completely different sealed deck to board into after round 2, being win-and-in for top8 both of the last two rounds . . . the highs and lows of competition sucked me in. This lead to 5 more PTQs and 2 GPs in the next 3 months, with nothing more to show for it than a PTQ top 16, a couple of GP promo cards, and an Ascension Cultist card signed by Kibler.

It's the grinding phase that really interests me right now from a self-analysis perspective. Each tournament leaves me in a different mental state afterwards -

Columbus, elated and frustrated.

Chicago, happy with my play but embarrassed about picking up both of my losses in the early rounds and not being in contention for t8 while I ripped off my winning streak.

Memphis, disappointed and convinced I wasn't good enough to compete on the GP level yet.

Indy, disgusted with my pool and my play.

Columbus, moderately embarrassed by bringing up last place on the team's first official outing.

Atlanta, hating the venue, my deck, and my misplays, burned out of Magic for 3-4 weeks (actually, minus the venue, pretty similar to how I felt after Nationals).

Indy - reinvigorated, convinced my unrefined deck had potential, determined to work my butt off for Chicago.

Chicago - strangely un-bothered by losing rds 4 and 5 and dropping, proud of my deck and the work we put into building it, proud of the playtesting and group and week of nonstop work we put in, knowledgeable of my misplays, not sure if I'm willing to put in that much work week in and week out. (Pretty much where I am right now).

I love the grind - I like road-tripping, hanging out with the guys, saying hey to people from other cities I barely know aside from seeing them weekend after weekend. Given that, I feel a little ground out right now - at least for the next couple of weeks, play-testing for me will only be one or two nights a week, and I'm only planning on going out of town for one tournament in March. It's also a bit odd to me how little relation I've seen so far between my success and the work I've put in - my two biggest successes were when I rolled into Nats Quals with my FNM deck (admittedly, my FNM deck was Mythic and that was the perfect tournament for Mythic - 4 copies in t8), and a deck that I threw together the night before the event (vengevine bant at States, with what turned out to be a horrible match-up vs Primeval Titan, and I managed to only play against the big green guy once in 8 rounds). The events I've put the most effort and testing into, Nationals, GP Atlanta, and the Chicago PTQ last weekend, were, in order - a massive, soul-crushing disappointment that put me off the game for almost a month - the same - and a strangely satisfying 48th place finish whose most memorable moment was the 90 minute discussion of Battle Star Galactica in the car on the way back.



Footnote: I wanted to compile for myself all of my PTQs so far, how I placed, and what I played. Two t16s out of 8 tries, 0 top 8s, average finish 45th. Is that a good record or a bad one? In comparison to what? Not sure.
5/16/2010 Indianapolis, PTQ Amsterdam, Standard: 15th of 128. Mythic.
10/30/2010 Indianapolis, PTQ Paris, Sealed: 38th of 126. R/B with Carnifex Demon, Koth, Hoard-Smelter.
11/6/2010 Columbus, PTQ Paris, Sealed: 19th of 237. G/B Infect siding into R/G with Contagion Engine.
12/4/2010 Chicago, PTQ Paris, Sealed: 12th of 141. R/W/g with Sunblast Angel.
12/11/2010 Indianapolis, PTQ Paris, Sealed: 100th of 118. R/W with nothing.
1/15/2011 Columbus, PTQ Nagoya, Extended: 61st of 194. Vengevine Naya.
2/19/2011 Indianapolis, PTQ Nagoya, Extended: 64th of 115. Stoneforge Bant.
2/26/2011 Chicago, PTQ Nagoya, Extended: 48th of 137. Stoneforge Bant.
Summary - 8 PTQs - best finish, 12th; worst finish, 100th; average finish, 45th.